I am so bored of waking up and feeling like this, I want a bit of energy and life.
It feels like parts of me are shriveling up and waiting to pass over into some other life. I don't know, maybe they are, just without telling me. Those times when I push myself further than i normally would, i pay for it 3 fold in discomfort, pain or exhaustion.
I've sat here with my little monkey on my lap crying and feeling like such a crap mother, person even, that I can't do what i want to do with my kids, that I shout at them they don't listen to anything I say, even though I should be hugging them and telling them how much I love them right now today, because thats what they want to hear, and need to hear, not how angry and frustrated I am, how they make my life worth living, not making my life impossible to live. It's me thats doing that ands it's me that is driving them away from me.
Today I have to do some driving to Christchurch, Monkey wants to go to her home education group, at the moment, I'm stuck here, cramping and griping and crying. Monkey says, it's ok, we can stay at home.
Gods, that little girl, how could i have been so lucky????
Hey my lovely Hat-woman! Check out me blog after a period of 'blog-neglect' and there you are :D Thank you so much for 'following me', tho don't do it in 'real life' as who knows where we'll end up?? *lol*
ReplyDelete{{{BIG HUGS}}} Why didn't you let on how you were feeling this morning?! I'd have come over and helped, hugged, stood around uselessly. You are NOT a crap person, you're lovely AND a good mother!! And none of this is your fault! Methinks you really need to see Tom (in Christchurch) - have you gotten in touch yet? And if not, why not?? Luv ya big-time! xxx
Btw, what does your blog heading mean? xx
lol joy, we'd end up somewhere with coffee, cake and a toilet, twould be fine!!! rofl
ReplyDeletei couldnt say anything coz my house is a tip, there is no food coz i've not made it to the shops (having teenagers at a weekend means they feed me!! woohoo!) in the end i did very little, paul did the xchurch run, we skipped hera and did some clay mushrooms instead :)
it isn't my fault, but its me that gets arsey about everything, i'm trapped in this loop and i just feel really frustrated i can't see a way out, just makes me sad.
no, haven't run tom, lost the number coz i'm crap lol i can tell that does not surprise you.
blog heading is counting the day til i go home or something, it wasnt what i actually wanted, but my irish is terrible and went on a translate site, going to tweak now ;o)
loves you my beautiful friend xxxx
counting the days, sharing the love, until i go home ... it translated badly ;o)
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