... with blog heading and all that and got this pic up, fitting perfectly, that I took last year in Ireland. The bee's pollen sacks look amazing :) gonna go compile long post about bees now that i have made a new sourdough starter using wholewheat flour, water, milk and cumin ... will keep you posted on that ... also made a double batch of swiss zopf, just proving on the windowsill, for 2 loaves for dinner.
oh oh oh!!! I also found another 80 brunettes my mate Pady from swiss left here for me when he and his lovely wife and family came over to visit last week, they already bought me 200! I have the best friends!! LOL
The children have decided to be helpful today and are making schools downstairs to get monkey to actually finish stuff she starts but gets distracted by shiny things ... even Cashla is playing! Dopey dawg!
Saturday, 28 April 2012
Friday, 27 April 2012
Is It Norman?
To wake up everyday and before its even begun wish it was over?
I am so bored of waking up and feeling like this, I want a bit of energy and life.
It feels like parts of me are shriveling up and waiting to pass over into some other life. I don't know, maybe they are, just without telling me. Those times when I push myself further than i normally would, i pay for it 3 fold in discomfort, pain or exhaustion.
I've sat here with my little monkey on my lap crying and feeling like such a crap mother, person even, that I can't do what i want to do with my kids, that I shout at them they don't listen to anything I say, even though I should be hugging them and telling them how much I love them right now today, because thats what they want to hear, and need to hear, not how angry and frustrated I am, how they make my life worth living, not making my life impossible to live. It's me thats doing that ands it's me that is driving them away from me.
Today I have to do some driving to Christchurch, Monkey wants to go to her home education group, at the moment, I'm stuck here, cramping and griping and crying. Monkey says, it's ok, we can stay at home.
Gods, that little girl, how could i have been so lucky????
Monday, 23 April 2012
A Visit To The Vet
Finally, I went to the vet 10 days ago.
A couple of months ago I go into see the vet (dr f) at the practice I attend that doesn't tell me I'm an aggressive nasty person who is expecting treatment for something they don't treat (what would that be then??? Silence is the stern reply) or write lies on my notes about me. I explained again about the gynae stuff I'd spoken to dr sh about in december who told me I'd not had a smear for 7 years so he felt I was refusing treatment, and about the frustration I feel at dr sm (january) for refusing to tell me what was going on with my referral as I was there about another matter, and the dismissive treatment I got from dr c (november) when attending an appt the dr from the pain clinic told me to make to get meds he recommended (the letter hadn't turned up and I was upset that I was expected to make another appt, i was in pain and very depressed, I told her I felt she didn't want to deal with me to which she shrugged her shoulders - as you can imagine this isn't how they have reported it on my notes) and she (dr f) said she was reluctant to send me for any further investigations as she believed i wasn't mentally strong enough mentally to deal with this.
what utter bollox.
I told my therapist and clinical psych from the pain clinic that the gp wanted their opinion of my mental health in early february.
my therapist finally spoke to her april 10th, they decided that i should defiantly go back to see dr f and discuss this further, I called to make an appt thinking that it would be within a reasonable amount of time ... 30th april, 3 weeks time. On the 3rd call, I explained I couldn't wait that long and was told in no uncertain terms that was the wait and I could take it or leave it, had the gp wanted to see me they would have called me to make an appt or left a note, she hasn't, so tough. I told her that I couldn't handle the wait that long, I had to see dr f and it was important. She rang me back a couple of hours later to give me an appt for friday 13th ...
lots happened, lots was said ... she hadn't realised that it was the waiting that was messing with my head ... WTF??? How exactly is one supposed to feel when your whole life is dedicated to being told its in my head, not real, not worth investigation, my children have lost a large portion of their childhood and their mother to this, everyday I find it impossible to keep calm, not to scream in fear and pain and anger and frustration and of course the children get affected, they have to spend their lives waiting to see how it all is ... if i am going to be grumpy, crying, ok, bursting with energy and desperate to get things up together like the washing, shopping, cleaning etc. their school holidays are spent waiting to see how their mother is, if she can face going out, if she can risk it. during the easter break, i went out 5x, 2 therapist appt, one dr and 2 coffee shop visits which ended up both times me doubled up in agony and having to leave before we were ready. I have been asking for help for more years than I care to remember, this year one of the schools put me a family support worker in place. My husband went to dr sh and asked for referral to CAMSH for counsilling to help our family deal with this, my kids see that I get no help, no meds, no dr's appts, no specialist, no family and they think I'm lying ... why shouldn't they? there is nothing to make it seem like I'm being truthful apart from my black mood when I'm in pain or doubling up in a shop, over a trolly, in a cafe with pain ... dr sh was not helpful and suggested we had too many children and should seek our own social services help. In all fairness, everything she has offered me hasn't been anything I could take advantage of. She offered one child a place on a course, when i asked if another could take it, was told no, she was not attending a school this woman could refer from. The child that wanted to go, but couldn't blamed me. Naturally ...
She also said she felt that my gynae issues could be contributing to my bowel pain etc. no??? really???? Didn't I say that? And surely if that were the case they would have referred me a year ago no as the first surgeons minions told me they would 2 years ago?? erm no, that would mean they noticed that i was calling asking whom i should make appt's with to manage my pain ... that my case was reviewed, taken seriously blah blah blah ... yes, I'm internalising a problem with a system that is screwed, I know I'm taking it personally, but how is it not personal? It my name that gets lost in systems, missed off reminders, overlooked, looked at with disgust when asked why.
Another classic was "I think maybe after all the damage *you* have done to your bowel with this condition you may have an atonic bowel to a certain degree which would account for many your symptoms" ya don't say, that is what I was saying for years ... the years I was being told I was fat and should stop eating, drink more water and do more exercise.
That I was upset when seeing the surgeon as he was telling me something he should have told me 4 months before, and it has taken a further 4 months for her to see, read and act on his recommendation means I'm 2/3 of a year down ... again ... why should I not being fucking raging about it?? But as soon I mention how sad I am that another chuck has been put down to oversights, I'm being unreasonable, putting the wrong person in the firing line, aggressive. To whom do I tell this then? That every day I think of a different way and a different reason to cease this living shit and I'm guilt tripped into surviving with half promises of help and a future, I wonder why I am so jaded?
Shall we have a quick recki of times ... started when i was 10 ... 25 years of being told it was all my fault/in my head ... discover its not ... get messed about, have surgery with PROMISES of improvement ... its got worse? oh go see someone else, surgeon doesn't wish to be reminded he failed ... 2nd surgeon forgets to hide the letter from first surgeon saying i was a bitch doesn't wanna do follow up so I'm *overlooked* for 4 months ... we are nearing the 30 year mark ...
I'll round up the jist of her appt, she's referring me, to gynae for a subtotal hysterectomy and go onto HRT and to a neurogastoenterologist fella in southampton and see what he thinks of this I guess ...
This morning I got my choose and book letter, I get to choose from one consultant at one hospital ... Wow! This choice thing rocks! I chose an appt on friday the 19th may ... even tho there isnt a friday 19th may ... its the 18th ... which the surgical team with ok before sending me a letter, only once I have the letter is the appt booked
A couple of months ago I go into see the vet (dr f) at the practice I attend that doesn't tell me I'm an aggressive nasty person who is expecting treatment for something they don't treat (what would that be then??? Silence is the stern reply) or write lies on my notes about me. I explained again about the gynae stuff I'd spoken to dr sh about in december who told me I'd not had a smear for 7 years so he felt I was refusing treatment, and about the frustration I feel at dr sm (january) for refusing to tell me what was going on with my referral as I was there about another matter, and the dismissive treatment I got from dr c (november) when attending an appt the dr from the pain clinic told me to make to get meds he recommended (the letter hadn't turned up and I was upset that I was expected to make another appt, i was in pain and very depressed, I told her I felt she didn't want to deal with me to which she shrugged her shoulders - as you can imagine this isn't how they have reported it on my notes) and she (dr f) said she was reluctant to send me for any further investigations as she believed i wasn't mentally strong enough mentally to deal with this.
what utter bollox.
I told my therapist and clinical psych from the pain clinic that the gp wanted their opinion of my mental health in early february.
my therapist finally spoke to her april 10th, they decided that i should defiantly go back to see dr f and discuss this further, I called to make an appt thinking that it would be within a reasonable amount of time ... 30th april, 3 weeks time. On the 3rd call, I explained I couldn't wait that long and was told in no uncertain terms that was the wait and I could take it or leave it, had the gp wanted to see me they would have called me to make an appt or left a note, she hasn't, so tough. I told her that I couldn't handle the wait that long, I had to see dr f and it was important. She rang me back a couple of hours later to give me an appt for friday 13th ...
lots happened, lots was said ... she hadn't realised that it was the waiting that was messing with my head ... WTF??? How exactly is one supposed to feel when your whole life is dedicated to being told its in my head, not real, not worth investigation, my children have lost a large portion of their childhood and their mother to this, everyday I find it impossible to keep calm, not to scream in fear and pain and anger and frustration and of course the children get affected, they have to spend their lives waiting to see how it all is ... if i am going to be grumpy, crying, ok, bursting with energy and desperate to get things up together like the washing, shopping, cleaning etc. their school holidays are spent waiting to see how their mother is, if she can face going out, if she can risk it. during the easter break, i went out 5x, 2 therapist appt, one dr and 2 coffee shop visits which ended up both times me doubled up in agony and having to leave before we were ready. I have been asking for help for more years than I care to remember, this year one of the schools put me a family support worker in place. My husband went to dr sh and asked for referral to CAMSH for counsilling to help our family deal with this, my kids see that I get no help, no meds, no dr's appts, no specialist, no family and they think I'm lying ... why shouldn't they? there is nothing to make it seem like I'm being truthful apart from my black mood when I'm in pain or doubling up in a shop, over a trolly, in a cafe with pain ... dr sh was not helpful and suggested we had too many children and should seek our own social services help. In all fairness, everything she has offered me hasn't been anything I could take advantage of. She offered one child a place on a course, when i asked if another could take it, was told no, she was not attending a school this woman could refer from. The child that wanted to go, but couldn't blamed me. Naturally ...
She also said she felt that my gynae issues could be contributing to my bowel pain etc. no??? really???? Didn't I say that? And surely if that were the case they would have referred me a year ago no as the first surgeons minions told me they would 2 years ago?? erm no, that would mean they noticed that i was calling asking whom i should make appt's with to manage my pain ... that my case was reviewed, taken seriously blah blah blah ... yes, I'm internalising a problem with a system that is screwed, I know I'm taking it personally, but how is it not personal? It my name that gets lost in systems, missed off reminders, overlooked, looked at with disgust when asked why.
Another classic was "I think maybe after all the damage *you* have done to your bowel with this condition you may have an atonic bowel to a certain degree which would account for many your symptoms" ya don't say, that is what I was saying for years ... the years I was being told I was fat and should stop eating, drink more water and do more exercise.
That I was upset when seeing the surgeon as he was telling me something he should have told me 4 months before, and it has taken a further 4 months for her to see, read and act on his recommendation means I'm 2/3 of a year down ... again ... why should I not being fucking raging about it?? But as soon I mention how sad I am that another chuck has been put down to oversights, I'm being unreasonable, putting the wrong person in the firing line, aggressive. To whom do I tell this then? That every day I think of a different way and a different reason to cease this living shit and I'm guilt tripped into surviving with half promises of help and a future, I wonder why I am so jaded?
Shall we have a quick recki of times ... started when i was 10 ... 25 years of being told it was all my fault/in my head ... discover its not ... get messed about, have surgery with PROMISES of improvement ... its got worse? oh go see someone else, surgeon doesn't wish to be reminded he failed ... 2nd surgeon forgets to hide the letter from first surgeon saying i was a bitch doesn't wanna do follow up so I'm *overlooked* for 4 months ... we are nearing the 30 year mark ...
I'll round up the jist of her appt, she's referring me, to gynae for a subtotal hysterectomy and go onto HRT and to a neurogastoenterologist fella in southampton and see what he thinks of this I guess ...
This morning I got my choose and book letter, I get to choose from one consultant at one hospital ... Wow! This choice thing rocks! I chose an appt on friday the 19th may ... even tho there isnt a friday 19th may ... its the 18th ... which the surgical team with ok before sending me a letter, only once I have the letter is the appt booked
Thursday, 12 April 2012
Of Mice and woMen
So I had been planning on making this my personal blog space and do stuff like log my health (or lack of it) specialist visits (or lack of them) medical support (or not) progress (yeah, now I’m getting funny ...)
My family and I had moved house a couple of months prior to starting this blog and that goes some way to explaining why there is so very little written! The house is a sieve!!! There was a leak in my daughter’s en-suite and I reported it in September, October, December and January. the damp was terrible, my oldest daughter had repeated ear and chest infection and in February it was finally fixed, my lucky landlord was saved quite a lot of money and damage by the fact that I had a dehumidifier running 24/7 for 5 months in there ... my daughters had to move out of their room and into the playroom come hallway as there was nowhere else for them to sleep due to my stepsons maternal grandmother dying and him not being able to use his bed usually set up for him in the playroom as his sisters were there so was crashing in the lounge ... have they refunded me anything from my rent for not dealing with my complaint when it was reported? or for the 5 months of dehumidifier running? or have they even bothered to follow up the report of another leak 2 weeks ago that has now spread from outside to inside and no chance of that even being anything more than looked at this week ... that would be a no ... the microwave blew up when we moved it, no problem, I’d rather not use one, then at new year the dishwasher broke down ... the guy that came to fit the part that they didn’t know they needed/realised/whoops/let’s see again/oh no we can’t/its ok we have the part now came out and got scared by freshly woken up me and then found he didn’t have the right part ... now (it being afternoon and everyone has so much better things to do) I’m sat waiting for washing machine engineer. It broke over a month ago, they came, they said X, they booked in for repair, then cancelled repair on morning as they *had booked enough time* then fixed it only to have it leak the contents of machine over the kitchen floor. It’s over a month it’s been broken now and the laundrette love me!
But the main problem is my pain ... I sound like I’m 82 with crumbling bones ... I’m not, I’m nearly 39 and I have a bowel condition ... I think ... well I did have ... then they operated and now ... now, I’m just horrible. I had chronic constipation (i.e. for anything up to a month) for years ... from when I was maybe 10? I don’t know, don’t really remember that much. all I can say for sure is that I had cramping problems for years, that I would tell the gp who called me fat (I had just had a baby, had pelvis and back problems) and blamed my laziness for my lack of bowel movements, just for the record I also have an accessory navicular which can make load bearing, walking and running, especially when overweight, very painful. Also blamed over the years was my poor diet (I eat well) not drinking enough water (even when drinking 4-5 litres a day) some people is like that, get used to it. It is hard to live with having to birth one faecal matter from one’s body on a more than monthly basis. then 3 years ago I demanded to be referred to someone to help, I got into with a hospital gp at my local hospital (no choose and book I hasten to add) and she sent me for a blood test, a colonoscopy (which both came back clear) and then a defecating proctogram which found I had a severe intussusception and decent which was closing off my bowel each time I tried to evacuate. Hence the pain, hence the constipation, hence the birthing. So I was referred ... no, not for surgery but the physio who couldn't help me, in the meantime I also had problems with my gallbladder which was sending me slightly mental and because i wasn't suffering at that very moment in time and i was under a surgeon for the other, the doctors receptionist decided i didn't need to be seen by my gp. 8 months after dx'ing intussusception I was operated on. It was a horrifying and nightmarish ordeal, it is written up, should anyone wish to read "my arse laid bare" just ask.
Since seven months before my first surgery (July 2010) I have had no further tests done on my bowel. One blood test was done prior to my gallbladder surgery (August 2010) and an ecg.
My gallbladder has been removed and I can thankfully report, no further problems there. The bowel has been a different matter. I returned post op to see the surgeon to whom I explained that although the constipation has been relieved MOSTLY, the pain is now much more frequent, as are my bowel movements. From a day of movement in maybe 5-30 days (usually been 5 and 10 but has been as long as 30 on more than 5 occasions in 5 years) to movements every day or 2 (has been less frequent recently due to extreme nausea and anxiety) and pretty much constant discomfort or pain. The pain is usually located in the lower left quadrant of my torso but lower right is sometimes affected as is the middle and across the top of my abdomen. I know I also have a GURD but that is a different pain to the bowel cramping. That said I’m not always sure it is bowel cramps ... but what would I know??? I mentioned this to my surgeon as he'd mentioned the possibility of sending me the way of a gyni as a next step; he dismissed it and said he was sure this would work but maybe not until a year or son’s time. I had a further follow up with one of the surgeon’s minions who told me to learn to live with it and face the fact that they cannot help me and referred me back to physio. By this time I had given up work (started a new business after the first round of surgery) as I was unable to cope, I was in far too much pain and burnt out.
In the late March I was surprised to receive a letter telling me how my surgeon didn’t feel he had anything more to offer me so referred me onto another colorectal blokey, he suggested some of my pain was due to staples sticking into my rectum from the first surgery maybe irritating me and making things very much worse and that he would remove these first and see where that took us. He seemed to understand I was exhausted and totally fed up of this, that I was depressed I was loosing more and more of what little of a life outside my bathroom I had. On the morning of my surgery I found a letter from first surgeon to 2nd telling him how I was such a difficult patient and couldn’t be helped, my expectations too high, I had been aggressive. I wrote on it that I would be following this matter up in due course and left it for the surgeon. that was to be the last I would hear of him, 5 months later he finally couldn’t get out of giving me a follow up appointment (his secretary said I had been *overlooked*) and told me that he couldn't help me, there may be a doc in London or Southampton who could, but as he was a 2nd opinion (and he opinion backed up the first surgeon, I expect too much (they said they could stop my problem and help me lead a normal (norman?) life and I haven’t got that, should I be satisfied with that?) he said that I scared him, I knew more than him and that intimidated him. I actually (foolishly) thought he had understood that as a woman with a functioning mind I would be looking at trying to find out as much as I could myself, I wasn’t getting anything anywhere else. I have developed issues with food over the years as I had been told much of my problems were down to what and when I ate ... when it never was ... I had a dysfunction and the problems are not down to my lifestyle or body type. Those issues colour my daily life, eating in the morning is very difficult, it’s like food comes with a siren screaming "the fat fuck is eating the fat fuck is eating" I can really be craving something ... anything ... during the night it was fried bread, oh lordy I do <3 fried bread, I wanted to get some today from the cafe, I was going to have bacon and beans with it, maybe an egg (for the omegas, don’t really like eggs) and a grilled tomato for the vit c, I only ate 3 choclits and a cheese and onion sandwich yesterday, nothing the day before and 1/4 of black forest gateaux and a small portion of potato salad the day before, I am hungry. I cannot face the food though, even if I were to order it or make it, I’d not be able to swallow; it would feel like a beach ball in my mouth. This is how I have lost a stone in a month. And despite being unable to do much exercise as just walking about sets of the cramping to levels I cannot cope with let alone organised activities, I am no longer overweight or obese. It’s been a long hard road, I’m flabby and untoned and unable to get there and I’m sad about it. and hungry, really fooking hungry!
Another day i shall tell you about my gp and why i cannot change practices.
My family and I had moved house a couple of months prior to starting this blog and that goes some way to explaining why there is so very little written! The house is a sieve!!! There was a leak in my daughter’s en-suite and I reported it in September, October, December and January. the damp was terrible, my oldest daughter had repeated ear and chest infection and in February it was finally fixed, my lucky landlord was saved quite a lot of money and damage by the fact that I had a dehumidifier running 24/7 for 5 months in there ... my daughters had to move out of their room and into the playroom come hallway as there was nowhere else for them to sleep due to my stepsons maternal grandmother dying and him not being able to use his bed usually set up for him in the playroom as his sisters were there so was crashing in the lounge ... have they refunded me anything from my rent for not dealing with my complaint when it was reported? or for the 5 months of dehumidifier running? or have they even bothered to follow up the report of another leak 2 weeks ago that has now spread from outside to inside and no chance of that even being anything more than looked at this week ... that would be a no ... the microwave blew up when we moved it, no problem, I’d rather not use one, then at new year the dishwasher broke down ... the guy that came to fit the part that they didn’t know they needed/realised/whoops/let’s see again/oh no we can’t/its ok we have the part now came out and got scared by freshly woken up me and then found he didn’t have the right part ... now (it being afternoon and everyone has so much better things to do) I’m sat waiting for washing machine engineer. It broke over a month ago, they came, they said X, they booked in for repair, then cancelled repair on morning as they *had booked enough time* then fixed it only to have it leak the contents of machine over the kitchen floor. It’s over a month it’s been broken now and the laundrette love me!
But the main problem is my pain ... I sound like I’m 82 with crumbling bones ... I’m not, I’m nearly 39 and I have a bowel condition ... I think ... well I did have ... then they operated and now ... now, I’m just horrible. I had chronic constipation (i.e. for anything up to a month) for years ... from when I was maybe 10? I don’t know, don’t really remember that much. all I can say for sure is that I had cramping problems for years, that I would tell the gp who called me fat (I had just had a baby, had pelvis and back problems) and blamed my laziness for my lack of bowel movements, just for the record I also have an accessory navicular which can make load bearing, walking and running, especially when overweight, very painful. Also blamed over the years was my poor diet (I eat well) not drinking enough water (even when drinking 4-5 litres a day) some people is like that, get used to it. It is hard to live with having to birth one faecal matter from one’s body on a more than monthly basis. then 3 years ago I demanded to be referred to someone to help, I got into with a hospital gp at my local hospital (no choose and book I hasten to add) and she sent me for a blood test, a colonoscopy (which both came back clear) and then a defecating proctogram which found I had a severe intussusception and decent which was closing off my bowel each time I tried to evacuate. Hence the pain, hence the constipation, hence the birthing. So I was referred ... no, not for surgery but the physio who couldn't help me, in the meantime I also had problems with my gallbladder which was sending me slightly mental and because i wasn't suffering at that very moment in time and i was under a surgeon for the other, the doctors receptionist decided i didn't need to be seen by my gp. 8 months after dx'ing intussusception I was operated on. It was a horrifying and nightmarish ordeal, it is written up, should anyone wish to read "my arse laid bare" just ask.
Since seven months before my first surgery (July 2010) I have had no further tests done on my bowel. One blood test was done prior to my gallbladder surgery (August 2010) and an ecg.
My gallbladder has been removed and I can thankfully report, no further problems there. The bowel has been a different matter. I returned post op to see the surgeon to whom I explained that although the constipation has been relieved MOSTLY, the pain is now much more frequent, as are my bowel movements. From a day of movement in maybe 5-30 days (usually been 5 and 10 but has been as long as 30 on more than 5 occasions in 5 years) to movements every day or 2 (has been less frequent recently due to extreme nausea and anxiety) and pretty much constant discomfort or pain. The pain is usually located in the lower left quadrant of my torso but lower right is sometimes affected as is the middle and across the top of my abdomen. I know I also have a GURD but that is a different pain to the bowel cramping. That said I’m not always sure it is bowel cramps ... but what would I know??? I mentioned this to my surgeon as he'd mentioned the possibility of sending me the way of a gyni as a next step; he dismissed it and said he was sure this would work but maybe not until a year or son’s time. I had a further follow up with one of the surgeon’s minions who told me to learn to live with it and face the fact that they cannot help me and referred me back to physio. By this time I had given up work (started a new business after the first round of surgery) as I was unable to cope, I was in far too much pain and burnt out.
In the late March I was surprised to receive a letter telling me how my surgeon didn’t feel he had anything more to offer me so referred me onto another colorectal blokey, he suggested some of my pain was due to staples sticking into my rectum from the first surgery maybe irritating me and making things very much worse and that he would remove these first and see where that took us. He seemed to understand I was exhausted and totally fed up of this, that I was depressed I was loosing more and more of what little of a life outside my bathroom I had. On the morning of my surgery I found a letter from first surgeon to 2nd telling him how I was such a difficult patient and couldn’t be helped, my expectations too high, I had been aggressive. I wrote on it that I would be following this matter up in due course and left it for the surgeon. that was to be the last I would hear of him, 5 months later he finally couldn’t get out of giving me a follow up appointment (his secretary said I had been *overlooked*) and told me that he couldn't help me, there may be a doc in London or Southampton who could, but as he was a 2nd opinion (and he opinion backed up the first surgeon, I expect too much (they said they could stop my problem and help me lead a normal (norman?) life and I haven’t got that, should I be satisfied with that?) he said that I scared him, I knew more than him and that intimidated him. I actually (foolishly) thought he had understood that as a woman with a functioning mind I would be looking at trying to find out as much as I could myself, I wasn’t getting anything anywhere else. I have developed issues with food over the years as I had been told much of my problems were down to what and when I ate ... when it never was ... I had a dysfunction and the problems are not down to my lifestyle or body type. Those issues colour my daily life, eating in the morning is very difficult, it’s like food comes with a siren screaming "the fat fuck is eating the fat fuck is eating" I can really be craving something ... anything ... during the night it was fried bread, oh lordy I do <3 fried bread, I wanted to get some today from the cafe, I was going to have bacon and beans with it, maybe an egg (for the omegas, don’t really like eggs) and a grilled tomato for the vit c, I only ate 3 choclits and a cheese and onion sandwich yesterday, nothing the day before and 1/4 of black forest gateaux and a small portion of potato salad the day before, I am hungry. I cannot face the food though, even if I were to order it or make it, I’d not be able to swallow; it would feel like a beach ball in my mouth. This is how I have lost a stone in a month. And despite being unable to do much exercise as just walking about sets of the cramping to levels I cannot cope with let alone organised activities, I am no longer overweight or obese. It’s been a long hard road, I’m flabby and untoned and unable to get there and I’m sad about it. and hungry, really fooking hungry!
Another day i shall tell you about my gp and why i cannot change practices.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)